I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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