and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
