I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
