Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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