My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
