I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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