shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so let's talk penis.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
