i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
