No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
