Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
