I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
