If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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