considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He had one of those small greek statue penises
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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