It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
my liver is dry heaving
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
