he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
