If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
