Are we in a gay sports bar?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
