I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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