Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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