just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
