She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
