He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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