She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
