i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
