My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
