i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
