Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
