i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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