capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
All I want is dick and wine.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
