Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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