If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
