Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
