So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
