strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
