strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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