I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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