i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
