Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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