make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
