Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
