I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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