At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
