yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
