In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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