so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
