mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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