yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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