I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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