I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
