Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
