So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
