This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
