I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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