I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
