apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
