redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
