You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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