K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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